Psychic Builder

A radio comedy of approximately 30 minutes per episode.

‘New build for the new age’ – Geoff is not your typical tradesman; he claims to have psychic powers, which often interfere with his day job.

Geoff is supported by his long-suffering foreman, Justin (frequently referred to as his “familiar”), and permanently-baffled apprentice, Joe-Lad, whom Geoff is convinced is strong with The Force.

Episode 1 – Shake your foundations

Whereas Justin is simply keen to get on with building an extension, Geoff is more concerned with first performing an exorcism over the foundations, “just in case”. For his part, Joe-Lad has still not learned what foundations are, but he’s sure there’s a video on how to dig them somewhere on youtube. But the plans are soon scuppered when various unwholesome and karmically-bad items are dumped in the foundations and everyone in the street becomes a suspect. While Justin tots up the cost and counts the noughts for Joe-Lad to get off his backside and remove the items from the hole, Geoff has to down tools and use all of his psychic powers to determine the answer to this whodumpedit.

Episode 2 – Hole in the sky

While supposedly travelling by ley line to their next job, Geoff and his crew accidentally end up at the local university campus. Bedazzled by the quality of the workpersonship of the new halls of residence, Geoff is soon dismayed to learn it was completed by his nemesis, Dave The Bastard. However, with the promise of a lucrative contract for further halls on the campus, Geoff decides to show off his construction skills to one of the all-too-willing and all-too-wealthy students. He just needs to get the job done in time for the inspection at the end of the week, but The Plumber’s also psychic and he’s seen something rather disturbing in his beer, and it’s not just the dregs at last orders.

Episodes 3, 4, 5 and 6…

…Exist! But not yet as scripts. The storylines have been sketched out and I know what happens. I once read somewhere that you only need to write one episode and if it’s great then you’ll get hired on the basis that the next five will also be great. But in my experience it’s best to at least write another episode in full to prove that the first one wasn’t a fluke.

Why I’m qualified to write this

I’ve had an interest in all things metaphysical from an early age (see also Gadzooks!) but it was only when I was recently dragged to a psychic fayre where they charged us a hefty entrance fee for the odd stall of trinkets and to be barked at about getting our reiki healing done (for an even heftier fee) that I realised that money was the true healer for those people. This took place around the time I got an extension done on the back of my council-built semi. The builder estimated 6 – 8 weeks to complete the job…he was still on site nearly a year later. ‘Nuff said.

Ten reasons why this could be a success

1. Mortgage, renting, or royalty, you will have had building work down at some point.

2. Atheist, agnostic or committed believer, you will have come across a spiritual charlatan at some point.

3. As demonstrated above, this show relates to two industries that are (unfortunately) highly susceptible to conning people, but (fortunately) when put together it makes for a heady mix of humour.

4. Young people are cool and trendy, but sometimes it’s fun for slightly older people of a youngish nature to take the Mickey out of them. This happens in Psychic Builder, but rest assured that it’s usually the young person who saves the day.

5. In the interest of longevity, there are no references to current fads unless absolutely necessary.

6. Like good cement, the show aims for a good mix, in this case of intelligent, high brow humour with base level wisecracks (and cracked in a knowing way at that).

7. Although Geoff does have powers, they never work when he suggests they will, and he never realises it when they have worked. It’s always fun when someone so cocksure of themselves gets it wrong.

8. This show does not try to be clever and come up with twisting, turning plots that will keep you guessing every inch of the way. It’s meant to be fun, after all.

9. Further to the above, the show deliberately plays on mainstream British sitcom territory, adding it’s own unique element to tried and tested themes…people will feel at home on familiar ground, but still laugh their tool belts off.

10. Features love, though only in the final episode, and that’s not been fully written yet. But isn’t the promise of love sometimes enough?

Click here to request one or more scripts.

Click here to see all completed works.