WORKING TITLE The Monday Conundrum
FILM GENRE Black comedy
LENGTH 111 minutes
TARGET AUDIENCE Adults
TAGLINE Anticipation of death is far worse than death itself.
PREMISE
CONTROLLING IDEA
DRAMATIC QUESTION
LOGLINE
A timid [and] depressed risk assessment officer with a fear of pain hires a [sinister, bi-polar] demented hitman to kill him, but when his life suddenly starts turning around he finds himself unable to get out of the contract and goes to desperate lengths to stay alive.
THE ONE PARAGRAPH
3 sentences
Jeff is hated by everyone and allergic to pain so, afraid he would mess it up if he did it himself, he hires a hitman to kill him nice and quietly when he isn’t expecting it. Various circumstances delay the hit, and in the meantime Jeff’s devil-may-care attitude gets him promoted at work and into the affections of an attractive lady. Deciding to give life another shot, Jeff is unable to cancel his contract and has to go to desperate lengths to stay alive long enough to figure out how to get the hitman off his tail.
5 sentence pitch
Jeff claims to be hated by everyone and allergic to pain so, afraid he would mess it up if he did it himself, he hires a hitman to kill him nice and quietly when he isn’t expecting it. Various circumstances delay the hit, such as the bi-polar assassin coming off his medication so he can enjoy drunken street binges with the payment he received up front for the hit. In the meantime Jeff’s devil-may-care attitude gets him promoted at work and into the affections of an attractive lady, who may or not be a hooker. Deciding to give life another shot, Jeff is unable to cancel his contract and has to go to desperate lengths to stay alive long enough to figure out how to get the hitman off his tail. When he discovers the truth about his woman, and how she’s indirectly been involved with his conundrum from the start, it’s enough to make him try and kill himself, but this time without any assistance.
SYNOPSIS DEVELOPED FOR QUERY LETTER
Jeff is convinced that everyone hates him – he has no friends, has never had a girlfriend and his work colleagues don’t include him in social activities. Afraid he would mess it up if he did it himself, Jeff hires a hitman called Eddie to kill him nice and quietly when he isn’t expecting it. However, the hit is unexpectedly delayed when Eddie comes off his bi-polar meds and enjoys drunken street binges courtesy of the payment Jeff gave him up-front. While he waits for the fatal shot, Jeff stops taking his work seriously, but his devil-may-care attitude unintentionally gains him the respect of his colleagues and he is elevated to a privileged position by his unsuspecting boss. Also, after plenty of prompting from Kate, a street lady he meets in his regular bar, Jeff falls into her affections and realises that life isn’t as bad as he first thought. He tries to cancel the contract he took out on himself, but the rules of the game won’t let him and so he goes to desperate lengths to stay alive, such as hiding in the office broom cupboard and getting around using impromptu disguises. Back on his meds and back to being the sinister bad guy, Eddie eventually catches up with Kate and Jeff, who are keen to start a new life together far away. As the final showdown takes place, Jeff learns that Kate was never who she said she was, and her true identity is enough to make him try and kill himself without Eddie’s assistance.
Character breakdown
Jeff – a mild-mannered, slightly anal, yet good-hearted risk assessment officer who doesn’t normally like to take risks.
“Kate” – a permanently semi-drunken, suicidal blonde with good looks and a jagged exterior who talks tight but looks very loose.
Eddie Capellian – monosyllabic when medicated, high on life when he isn’t, Eddie poses as a hitman without a heart who can tailor any job to the client’s requirements
Mr. Clinker – Jeff’s overbearing boss who forever belittles his employee and only gave him the job to impress his uncle who founded the company
Craig – Jeff’s brash, womanising cousin who only agrees to help his relation to get to the girls who work in his office
Tammy Baskerville – the none-too-bright office sweetheart, at first repulsed by Jeff, then curiously drawn to him
Marvin Birkdale – the timid officer junior who comes to idolise Jeff and do his dirty work
THE ONE PAGE SYNOPSIS
Setting
Beginning
Middle
End
Jeff is depressed – he’s stuck in a mundane job, he’s never had a girlfriend and for some unknown reason everyone he knows despises him. A committed atheist and fan of probability, Jeff decides it would be logical to end his life, but he is afraid of messing it up and being left in terrible pain. Jeff takes what he thinks is the logical decision to end his life, but he is afraid of messing up his suicide attempt and being left in horrific pain. Therefore he hires bi-polar, monosyllabic hitman, Eddie, to do the job for him – nice and quickly when he’s not looking.
Happy to have his affairs in order, Jeff takes a disinterested approach to his work while trying to look like a viable target for Eddie, who he assumes must be out there somewhere. His actions unintentionally gain him the respect of his colleagues and he is somehow elevated to a privileged position by his unsuspecting boss. Several days later and with the hit not taken place, Jeff’s behaviour becomes more bizarre, especially to the rough-edged-yet-pretty lady he meets in his regular bar. When he assures her every night that he won’t be returning tomorrow, Kate, assumes he just doesn’t like her (though she has plenty of suited admirers who pay her more than just attention).
Such as doing star jumps in front of the large glass windows.
Frustrated at still being alive, Jeff bumps into Eddie enjoying a loud, drunken street binge, courtesy of the 50% payment Jeff gave him up front. Enraged at Eddie’s decadent behaviour, Jeff insists he get on with the job and get back on the meds that made him appear so sinister and professional the first time they met. Convinced he’ll get the rest of his money, Eddie reluctantly agrees.
As the anticipation of his death continues, Jeff and Kate become close, though he keeps his contract secret from her. They almost sleep together, but for Jeff’s worry that the hitman is hiding under the bed, in the kitchen cupboards or anywhere else in the apartment. With things going well at work and with a woman in his life, Jeff decides to give living another shot, but he is unable to cancel his contract and takes to hiding in the office broom cupboard to stay safe. When his boss loses faith in his abilities and throws him out of the building, Jeff desperately makes a new contract – he hires someone to kill his own would-be killer.
Hoping to escape the city while the deal goes down, Jeff and Kat retire to her apartment to pack a few things, but Eddie arrives, back on his meds, saying very little and looking ready to kill. A struggle ensues and Eddie is overpowered, allowing Jeff and Kate to flee, supposedly with all contracts cancelled and his allergy to pain a distant memory.
Once out of the city, all goes well for the happy couple and they retrieve the other half of Jeff’s money with which to rebuild their lives. However, when the second hired assassin arrives and claims the deal is still on, “Kate’s” identity is called into question. Upon discovering how the woman he loves has been secretly involved with his situation from the beginning, Jeff is forced to try and kill himself, but without any assistance.
TEN REASONS WHY THIS COULD BE A SUCCESS
1. Many people have asked how they would hypothetically kill themselves – this script answers those questions and shows how it is (and isn’t) possible.
2. It is a different angle on a well-used theme – people have always been hired to kill others, but never by the victim themselves.
3. It is a lighter look at a very dark subject, without descending into farce.
4. It features a romance in which opposites attract without relying on schmaltz.
5. The stereotypical bad guy is given new life as a completely different personality when not on his meds for bi-polar disorder.
6. It ends with a surprise twist where nothing and no one is what they seemed.
7. The audience will be kept guessing about the main character’s motive, even after the film has finished.
8. As an aside from the main theme, the script pokes fun at mundane office life which millions of people can relate to, though they have never had the guts to behave as badly as the main character (as much as they would like to).
9. Besides creating an office environment, the budget for this film would be small.
10. Action mixed with intrigue mixed with humour mixed with mints. XXXXX
5 Reasons
- Many people have hypothetically asked how they would kill themselves – this script answers those questions and shows how it is (and isn’t) possible. PRIMAL
- It is a different angle on a well-used theme – people have always been hired to kill others, but never by the victim themselves.
- As an aside from the main theme, the script pokes fun at mundane office life which millions of people can relate to, though they have never had the guts to behave as badly as the main character (as much as they would like to).
- Besides creating an office environment, the budget for this film would be small.
- Within reason, it could be set anywhere and anywhen.